Coming Soon!

Coming soon to a chocolate milkshake blog near you! (This one!) Milkshakes from Waterloo, Ontario, Port Perry, Ontario, and a small town outside of London, Ontario whose name I can't remember at the moment! Are you ready for it?

A Cinderella Stoy - Chocolate Milkshake Style

October. Reading week. That was when it happened.

I had gone back home for the week and it was on my first night out with friends after being away for two nights that it happened. That I found - it.

A friend and I had gone to bar, and then another. We'd been drinking quite a bit and I can safely say I was thoroughly - sloshed. It was must have been around 2AM when we decided to wander (stumble) over to a nearby 24HR diner. I had never been to this diner before, I don't trust diners too much - especially not franchised ones.

I've had too many bad experiences at Denny's. THAT IS NOT FRENCH TOAST! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO CONVINCE ME THAT, THAT IS FRENCH TOAST! WHAT IS THIS!? TABLE SYRUP! THIS IS CANADA AND YOU GIVE ME TABLE SYRUP! Ahem! Sorry, sorry. It was - traumatic, to say the least. But I digress.

So we sat down at a both, more like fell on to a booth, but nonetheless. The diner was nearly empty and thus we were immediately approached by a waitress, a very patient one considering our obvious inebriated state. My friend order a poutine, while I attempted to uncross my eyes and read the menu, this took a couple of minutes to achieve. Like I said, we had a very patient waitress. I flipped through the menu a couple of times until my brain focused on the familiar word MILKSHAKE.

"Milkshake, chocolate milkshake please" I slurred, I'm pretty sure the waitress giggled a little. My inner-eight year old persona takes complete possession of me when I'm in a weakened state. After taking our orders the waitress trotted off, and my friend and I commenced some incoherent conversation about who knows what. Perhaps we were talking about entirely separate things. THEN! The milkshake arrived.

I sipped. I sipped and my eye grew wide! The taste, the thickness, the smoothosity, the ease and yet struggle of the straw-journey. It was profound. Fireworks were going off in my mind. I'd like to think my taste buds weren't drunk, I'd like to think that the inebriation had no effect on my experience. If this is the case, if my experience was not effected by the drunkenness, this chocolate milkshake has been the most wonderful I've had in over three years!

I began to squeal and giggle and proclaim to all those in the diner the marvelous delight that could be had by drinking that chocolate milkshake. My friend quieted me, but only to point of whispering. I insisted that they take a picture of this milkshake, informing them that I needed for proof of my chocolate milkshake quest's progress. After we paid, my friend and I parted, returning to our respective homes.

The next morning, the sunlight shone through my curtains and I pulled the covers over my head. I realized that the due to the certain effects of alcohol (poor memory recall), I couldn't remember the name of the diner, what the chocolate shake looked like, how much it cost, the size, or even if there had been whip cream on top. I scrambled to find my phone to see if my friend had sent me the picture they had taken, but I found nothing, and when I asked them to send me the picture they replied that they must have deleted it last night accidentally.

I was left with a metaphorical glass slipper; the memory of the blissful feeling that enveloped me with every sip I took of that chocolate milkshake.

Robots vs. Humans

It was Canadian Thanksgiving and my sister and mother came to visit me. The day after cooking our delicious "Muffin Tin" Thanksgiving dinner we each agreed that we wouldn't mind a lazy meal - so we went to a nearby fast-food restaurant for lunch. A Harvey's. Harvey's sells only one flavour of milkshake (chocolate) and it only comes in one size (something between a small and a medium).

Location:

Harvey's on Water St. Peterborough, Ontario.

Price:

Umm - $3.99+tax without a combo (I think)

Chocolatiness:

Chocolate, there is no mistaking or second guessing the flavour of the Harvey's milkshake. It is chocolate and they don't skimp on it - unlike certain other fast-food companies...*cough*McDonalds*cough*

Colour:

Awesome! This milkshake has a wonderful milk chocolate colour! It looks delicious in the clear cup.

Smoothosity:

This shake comes straight out of a machine. I assume the inside of the machine functions like a slushie machine - a motor that keeps the machine cool and is constantly rotating to keep the milkshake from hardening or freezing. This is probably the reason why it also has no lumps or chunks in it. Smooth as a baby's bottom!

Straw Journey:

It's a thick shake! I definitely made a bit of a fish face trying to suck it up through the straw. It's a nice balance, thick enough - but it does seem to liquefy a bit quicker than some other shakes I've had.

Notes:

There's no pizzazz to these shakes. They presses a button on a machine and it squirts it out into a cup. I think it's interesting that they only have one flavour and one size - sometimes I wonder if they are planning on branching out to other flavours, but then I remember: chocolate is the best, why do I care.

Overall Rating:

8.75

Final Words:

Machines are making better chocolate milkshakes than humans - it wasn't a good sign when I first discovered the Harvey's Milkshake. The universe shouldn't be this way - humans should be making tastier milkshakes, after all we are the ones who drink them. Then Skynet went live in 2011. If things don't change soon, Terminator won't be just a movie anymore. I won't deny that the Harvey's chocolate milkshake has so far been the best milkshake I've had my numerous years of chocolate milkshake drinking - but it shames me to do so. Points are taken off because I wish I could buy a large size! This! This is the reason why my quest continues! To find a human-made chocolate shake that tastes better than a machine-made one!

Ugh! Newfoundland's Worst Shake

This isn't really a review, because this happened while I was on vacation with my family in Newfoundland this summer - so I don't have all the specifics about the price or colour etc, but I can tell you it was awful.

My family and I traveled to Trinity, Newfoundland this summer because my great great, my great, great, great and my great, great, great, great grandfathers all were lighthouse keepers in this area. The lighthouse was being reopened as a museum and so my family and my extended family all decided to return a little house for a weekend in Trinity to celebrate this.

On our drive into this town I noticed a little cafe; Trinity Mercantile, which advertised milkshakes in the window, so of course I had to make sure I had one before we left. On the day of our departure from the little town of Trinity we stopped by this cafe.

I order my chocolate milkshake and wandered around looking at the other things they had to sell while my shake was being made. When it was finished they handed me a Styrofoam coffee cup with a lid on it, I shrugged, thinking perhaps the Styrofoam will keep it cold longer without freezing my hand off. I grabbed a straw and stabbed it through the opening of the lid but it wasn't until I was outside and leaning against the car that I took a sip.

Lumps. Lumps of something that may have tasted mildly of chocolate. Then milk, watery milk and after that some more lumps of what was definitely vanilla ice cream. I could tell the ice cream had freezer burn, because those thin pieces of ice still coat the lumps of ice cream that hadn't been blended into the shake.

The thing was terrible. It was an icy and half-assed excuse of a chocolate shake. If you had, had a sip of that shake you'd think I had asked for a vanilla shake and for them to make sure not to blend it very well, which they had accidentally knocked a smidge a chocolate syrup in to. If I hadn't already been in the car when I took a sip of that shake I'm fairly certain I would have waltzed back into the cafe and offered them a lesson on how to make a proper milkshake.

I highly recommend a trip to this wonderful town, it's beautiful and scenic. The homes are adorable and the Zodiac Tours in the area are wonderful - with guaranteed close up encounters with whales during the summer. So if you are ever in the tiny and quaint town of Trinity in Newfoundland, just make sure to avoid the chocolate milkshakes at Trinity Mercantile.

Eeeeh - I need to go make myself a proper chocolate shake. After recounting the tale of this terrible chocolate milkshake, I need to remind myself what a good one tastes like.

The Works' Worked.

The Works, a gourmet burger franchise, with locations only in Ontario. This place is wonderful! Wonderful atmosphere, wonderful concept, wonderful burgers! I can forgive them their mediocre chocolate milkshakes because the emphasis is all on the burgers there.

Location:

The Works (Peterborough, although I've had the a chocolate milkshake at their Ottawa location - the one in Peterborough I went to more recently.)

Price:

$5.99+tax (for a medium which is 16oz)

Chocolatiness:

It was decent, but considering I order one of the flavours that requires only one extra ingredient aside from milk and ice cream, it could have used more chocolate. But it was chocolate and there wasn't any doubt about that.

Colour:

On the lighter spectrum of chocolate milkshakes, perhaps a hint of two darker than a vanilla milkshake

Smoothosity:

Everything was really nice and blended, no surprise vanilla ice cream chunks. There was some decorative chocolate syrup swirls on top, at least I assumed they were decorative - but aside from that everything was mixed together thoroughly.

Straw Journey:

Oooo, whee! This was a thick milkshake! Maybe not as thick as the "Oooo, whee!" suggested, but it definitely was a bit of a fight to get some shake through that straw in the first couple of sips. I even cracked my straw a little bit from the sucking. I'm pretty sure I've had thicker shakes, but I think it's safe to say this was the right thickness you want in a chocolate milkshake. Well done in the straw journey department!

Notes:

I love that Works uses measuring cups to serve their beverages in. I liked the little decorative swirl that did on top and the addition of a little chocolate chip just to make it pretty. They also have great variations on the chocolate shake, I've tried the banana chocolate shake and it is definitely delicious, they also have mocha and mint chocolate. However, beware the chocolate chip shake - it is not what you might expect, it's basically a vanilla shake with a couple chocolate chips thrown in. I had expected more chocolate in that one, or at least more than 10 chocolate chips.

Overall Rating:

6 out of 10

Final words:

It's a pretty good shake and it scores well in most of the categories but to be honest, it really wasn't all the chocolaty. Perhaps instead of decorating the top with a chocolate syrup swirl - use that time and chocolate to make it more chocolate. You've make wonderful burgers! Really, truly, you do! A squirt or two more in that chocolate shake and you could be a real contender!

So you think you're the best?

My darling hometown is Ottawa. I love my hometown a lot, as much as I love chocolate milkshakes. So when I hear that a place supposedly has the best chocolate milkshakes in Ottawa, the capital of Canada - it had better be a delicious chocolate milkshake if it's going to be representing Ottawa; THE CAPITAL OF CANADA.

Location:

Zak's Diner, a popular 24hr diner in the Byward market. Often frequented by club goers and bar hoppers.

Price:

$5.99+tax

Chocolatiness:

Enh - I guess you could say it was chocolate but my tastebuds told me that the person who made this shake probably put 1 1/2 squirts of chocolate in it. You can tell it was made with vanilla ice cream and plain milk - I was hardly impressed.

Colour:

More than off-white but in terms of colour, it was definitely on the lighter side of the spectrum for chocolate milkshakes.

Smoothosity:

It was nicely blended, there weren't any chunks of ice cream still floating around and all the chocolate syrup (what little of it there was) seemed to have been thoroughly mixed in.

Straw Journey:

I didn't have to purse my lips at all, my cheeks were hoping for a bit a of workout, but this shake was maybe a one or two grades thicker than an average glass of milk.

Notes:

The shake did come with some whip cream on top, that was nice and the glass was a cute retro soda shoppe style - but quite small if you consider the price you're paying. However, since this diner sees most of its action between the hours of 11pm and 4am - most of the customers are probably too intoxicated to care or notice that they are definitely over paying for this chocolate shake.

Overall Rating:

3 out of 10

Final words:

Zak's Diner, you have scored a 3 out of 10 for your chocolate milkshake. This begs the question, who voted you the best milkshake in Ottawa? Drunk people don't count - they're drunk. You offer a variety of other milkshake flavours, but if you can't get the simple and classic chocolate milkshake right then I highly doubt you can manage those other flavours. Quit skimping on the syrup, use chocolate ice cream instead of a vanilla, and maybe add an extra scoop to your recipe; especially if you are going to be expecting people to pay over six dollars for something that is approximately the same size as your water glasses. Yeah, don't think you can fool me with those cute retro glasses and whip cream on top, I still notice how much they taper at the bottom and that you leave half an inch on the top to fill with whip cream. Pffft! I demand a recount.

How My Quest Began...

Welcome, welcome.

You have found your way to my chocolate milkshake blog. As you can assume here is where I review the chocolate milkshakes I have drank from around the world (by that I mean parts of Canada and at this one place in Mexico.)

Before I continue it is important for you to understand how my quest and why I decided to the start this blog.

It was hot summer day and I had gone riding, however, my valiant steed and I became lost. To our misfortune, we learned that the scorching sun had caused most of the water that I had brought with me to evaporate. I climbed off my horse and and gave him what was left of the water.

We wander for what seemed like hours, trying to find our way home. Finally, I found a tree with enough shade to let both I and my steed rest protect from the burning rays of the sun. While sitting under this tree a vision came to me - I can not tell you what it was a saw for I am sworn to secrecy, but I can tell you this; its message was a powerful one and has made me who I am today. When the vision ended I ran to the top of a nearby hill and I screamed up to the heavens; "I VOW THAT WHENEVER I HAVE THE OPTION TO ORDER A CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE THAT I HAVE NOT TRIED BEFORE, THAN THAT IS WHAT I MUST HAVE! FOR I WILL FIND THE GREATEST CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE" The sky darkened and thunder boomed, a nearby tree was struck by lightning - I realized I was dabbling with dangerous powers by making that vow.

For many a year I have traveled around drinking chocolate milkshakes from a of different kind of eateries, restaurants, cafes, joints, dives, diners, greasy spoons, and ice cream shops. I have suffered much in my search for the greatest chocolate milkshake because of the vow I made, but I have also found great happiness. I came to the decision that the knowledge and wisdom of chocolate milkshakes that I have gained from these many travels should be shared among others. You deserve the happiness that is found in a chocolate milkshake and you deserve it without suffering the consequences that come when one makes a chocolate milkshake vow.

You maybe wondering, have I found the greatest chocolate milkshake? The answer to that question remains shrouded in mystery, for I have not and my search continues.

My reviews of chocolate milkshakes will be formatted in the following way:

Location: (I will be as precise as possible, sometimes I forgot to write all down.)

Price: (Again, this will be included if I remembered to take down the price.)

Chocolatiness: The flavour; was it a dark chocolate OR was more of a lighter chocolate, were there hints of cocoa, how rich was the actual flavor, OR did it taste like just milk, OR worse like something neither chocolate or milk?

Colour: Light or dark, white or deep brown?

Smoothosity: Was all the ice cream blended, were there chunks of ice cream floating around? OR did it seem like someone pour milk on ice cream and then stabbed it with a fork a couple times?

Straw Journey: How thick was the milkshake? How much suction was required to get it up the straw and into the milkshake? Was I making a fishy face in my efforts to drink it? Did my cheeks hurt afterward? OR Was it practically the consistency of water with no effort required to suck up through the straw.

Notes: Any additional notes I would like to add about the milkshake or experience; whether came with whip cream or not, if other varieties chocolate flavours were available, the size, and so on.

Overall Rating: A score from 1 to 10 will be given, the score is calculated using a very complicated and ancient mathematical formula that was discovered by a distant cousin of Pythagoras, it is known the Chocolatius Theorem. The scrolls upon which I discovered this theorem are hidden within a rock cave whose name can never be spoken and location can never be remembered.