Ugh! Newfoundland's Worst Shake

This isn't really a review, because this happened while I was on vacation with my family in Newfoundland this summer - so I don't have all the specifics about the price or colour etc, but I can tell you it was awful.

My family and I traveled to Trinity, Newfoundland this summer because my great great, my great, great, great and my great, great, great, great grandfathers all were lighthouse keepers in this area. The lighthouse was being reopened as a museum and so my family and my extended family all decided to return a little house for a weekend in Trinity to celebrate this.

On our drive into this town I noticed a little cafe; Trinity Mercantile, which advertised milkshakes in the window, so of course I had to make sure I had one before we left. On the day of our departure from the little town of Trinity we stopped by this cafe.

I order my chocolate milkshake and wandered around looking at the other things they had to sell while my shake was being made. When it was finished they handed me a Styrofoam coffee cup with a lid on it, I shrugged, thinking perhaps the Styrofoam will keep it cold longer without freezing my hand off. I grabbed a straw and stabbed it through the opening of the lid but it wasn't until I was outside and leaning against the car that I took a sip.

Lumps. Lumps of something that may have tasted mildly of chocolate. Then milk, watery milk and after that some more lumps of what was definitely vanilla ice cream. I could tell the ice cream had freezer burn, because those thin pieces of ice still coat the lumps of ice cream that hadn't been blended into the shake.

The thing was terrible. It was an icy and half-assed excuse of a chocolate shake. If you had, had a sip of that shake you'd think I had asked for a vanilla shake and for them to make sure not to blend it very well, which they had accidentally knocked a smidge a chocolate syrup in to. If I hadn't already been in the car when I took a sip of that shake I'm fairly certain I would have waltzed back into the cafe and offered them a lesson on how to make a proper milkshake.

I highly recommend a trip to this wonderful town, it's beautiful and scenic. The homes are adorable and the Zodiac Tours in the area are wonderful - with guaranteed close up encounters with whales during the summer. So if you are ever in the tiny and quaint town of Trinity in Newfoundland, just make sure to avoid the chocolate milkshakes at Trinity Mercantile.

Eeeeh - I need to go make myself a proper chocolate shake. After recounting the tale of this terrible chocolate milkshake, I need to remind myself what a good one tastes like.

The Works' Worked.

The Works, a gourmet burger franchise, with locations only in Ontario. This place is wonderful! Wonderful atmosphere, wonderful concept, wonderful burgers! I can forgive them their mediocre chocolate milkshakes because the emphasis is all on the burgers there.

Location:

The Works (Peterborough, although I've had the a chocolate milkshake at their Ottawa location - the one in Peterborough I went to more recently.)

Price:

$5.99+tax (for a medium which is 16oz)

Chocolatiness:

It was decent, but considering I order one of the flavours that requires only one extra ingredient aside from milk and ice cream, it could have used more chocolate. But it was chocolate and there wasn't any doubt about that.

Colour:

On the lighter spectrum of chocolate milkshakes, perhaps a hint of two darker than a vanilla milkshake

Smoothosity:

Everything was really nice and blended, no surprise vanilla ice cream chunks. There was some decorative chocolate syrup swirls on top, at least I assumed they were decorative - but aside from that everything was mixed together thoroughly.

Straw Journey:

Oooo, whee! This was a thick milkshake! Maybe not as thick as the "Oooo, whee!" suggested, but it definitely was a bit of a fight to get some shake through that straw in the first couple of sips. I even cracked my straw a little bit from the sucking. I'm pretty sure I've had thicker shakes, but I think it's safe to say this was the right thickness you want in a chocolate milkshake. Well done in the straw journey department!

Notes:

I love that Works uses measuring cups to serve their beverages in. I liked the little decorative swirl that did on top and the addition of a little chocolate chip just to make it pretty. They also have great variations on the chocolate shake, I've tried the banana chocolate shake and it is definitely delicious, they also have mocha and mint chocolate. However, beware the chocolate chip shake - it is not what you might expect, it's basically a vanilla shake with a couple chocolate chips thrown in. I had expected more chocolate in that one, or at least more than 10 chocolate chips.

Overall Rating:

6 out of 10

Final words:

It's a pretty good shake and it scores well in most of the categories but to be honest, it really wasn't all the chocolaty. Perhaps instead of decorating the top with a chocolate syrup swirl - use that time and chocolate to make it more chocolate. You've make wonderful burgers! Really, truly, you do! A squirt or two more in that chocolate shake and you could be a real contender!

So you think you're the best?

My darling hometown is Ottawa. I love my hometown a lot, as much as I love chocolate milkshakes. So when I hear that a place supposedly has the best chocolate milkshakes in Ottawa, the capital of Canada - it had better be a delicious chocolate milkshake if it's going to be representing Ottawa; THE CAPITAL OF CANADA.

Location:

Zak's Diner, a popular 24hr diner in the Byward market. Often frequented by club goers and bar hoppers.

Price:

$5.99+tax

Chocolatiness:

Enh - I guess you could say it was chocolate but my tastebuds told me that the person who made this shake probably put 1 1/2 squirts of chocolate in it. You can tell it was made with vanilla ice cream and plain milk - I was hardly impressed.

Colour:

More than off-white but in terms of colour, it was definitely on the lighter side of the spectrum for chocolate milkshakes.

Smoothosity:

It was nicely blended, there weren't any chunks of ice cream still floating around and all the chocolate syrup (what little of it there was) seemed to have been thoroughly mixed in.

Straw Journey:

I didn't have to purse my lips at all, my cheeks were hoping for a bit a of workout, but this shake was maybe a one or two grades thicker than an average glass of milk.

Notes:

The shake did come with some whip cream on top, that was nice and the glass was a cute retro soda shoppe style - but quite small if you consider the price you're paying. However, since this diner sees most of its action between the hours of 11pm and 4am - most of the customers are probably too intoxicated to care or notice that they are definitely over paying for this chocolate shake.

Overall Rating:

3 out of 10

Final words:

Zak's Diner, you have scored a 3 out of 10 for your chocolate milkshake. This begs the question, who voted you the best milkshake in Ottawa? Drunk people don't count - they're drunk. You offer a variety of other milkshake flavours, but if you can't get the simple and classic chocolate milkshake right then I highly doubt you can manage those other flavours. Quit skimping on the syrup, use chocolate ice cream instead of a vanilla, and maybe add an extra scoop to your recipe; especially if you are going to be expecting people to pay over six dollars for something that is approximately the same size as your water glasses. Yeah, don't think you can fool me with those cute retro glasses and whip cream on top, I still notice how much they taper at the bottom and that you leave half an inch on the top to fill with whip cream. Pffft! I demand a recount.

How My Quest Began...

Welcome, welcome.

You have found your way to my chocolate milkshake blog. As you can assume here is where I review the chocolate milkshakes I have drank from around the world (by that I mean parts of Canada and at this one place in Mexico.)

Before I continue it is important for you to understand how my quest and why I decided to the start this blog.

It was hot summer day and I had gone riding, however, my valiant steed and I became lost. To our misfortune, we learned that the scorching sun had caused most of the water that I had brought with me to evaporate. I climbed off my horse and and gave him what was left of the water.

We wander for what seemed like hours, trying to find our way home. Finally, I found a tree with enough shade to let both I and my steed rest protect from the burning rays of the sun. While sitting under this tree a vision came to me - I can not tell you what it was a saw for I am sworn to secrecy, but I can tell you this; its message was a powerful one and has made me who I am today. When the vision ended I ran to the top of a nearby hill and I screamed up to the heavens; "I VOW THAT WHENEVER I HAVE THE OPTION TO ORDER A CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE THAT I HAVE NOT TRIED BEFORE, THAN THAT IS WHAT I MUST HAVE! FOR I WILL FIND THE GREATEST CHOCOLATE MILKSHAKE" The sky darkened and thunder boomed, a nearby tree was struck by lightning - I realized I was dabbling with dangerous powers by making that vow.

For many a year I have traveled around drinking chocolate milkshakes from a of different kind of eateries, restaurants, cafes, joints, dives, diners, greasy spoons, and ice cream shops. I have suffered much in my search for the greatest chocolate milkshake because of the vow I made, but I have also found great happiness. I came to the decision that the knowledge and wisdom of chocolate milkshakes that I have gained from these many travels should be shared among others. You deserve the happiness that is found in a chocolate milkshake and you deserve it without suffering the consequences that come when one makes a chocolate milkshake vow.

You maybe wondering, have I found the greatest chocolate milkshake? The answer to that question remains shrouded in mystery, for I have not and my search continues.

My reviews of chocolate milkshakes will be formatted in the following way:

Location: (I will be as precise as possible, sometimes I forgot to write all down.)

Price: (Again, this will be included if I remembered to take down the price.)

Chocolatiness: The flavour; was it a dark chocolate OR was more of a lighter chocolate, were there hints of cocoa, how rich was the actual flavor, OR did it taste like just milk, OR worse like something neither chocolate or milk?

Colour: Light or dark, white or deep brown?

Smoothosity: Was all the ice cream blended, were there chunks of ice cream floating around? OR did it seem like someone pour milk on ice cream and then stabbed it with a fork a couple times?

Straw Journey: How thick was the milkshake? How much suction was required to get it up the straw and into the milkshake? Was I making a fishy face in my efforts to drink it? Did my cheeks hurt afterward? OR Was it practically the consistency of water with no effort required to suck up through the straw.

Notes: Any additional notes I would like to add about the milkshake or experience; whether came with whip cream or not, if other varieties chocolate flavours were available, the size, and so on.

Overall Rating: A score from 1 to 10 will be given, the score is calculated using a very complicated and ancient mathematical formula that was discovered by a distant cousin of Pythagoras, it is known the Chocolatius Theorem. The scrolls upon which I discovered this theorem are hidden within a rock cave whose name can never be spoken and location can never be remembered.